My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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