I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
