You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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