If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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