am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
