Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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