I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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