Kiss
Puke
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Panties = found
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
