Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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