Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
