4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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