We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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