Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
