So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
