My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize