I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
