what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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