why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
