The maid of honor just puked.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
