Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
