When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
