Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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