Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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