guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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