I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
