Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
