Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
