Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
