dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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