whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
