WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
