Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
