Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
