God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
