sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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