My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
