Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize