You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
