This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
