i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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