If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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