Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
