At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
