Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
