i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize