i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
