I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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