i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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