I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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