I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
