There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
