do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize