If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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