i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
