just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
