drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
