he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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