I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
