i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
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a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
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I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize