So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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