sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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