im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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