just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
