Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
