...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
