fuck your aforementioned shoe
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
