I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
