Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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