My brain says no but my pants say off.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I could make wine with my vomit
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
