You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What a dumb baby whore.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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