If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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