I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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